Let’s Get Down to the Bare Essentials, Shall We?

R.I.P Godric

Eric’s Sex is On Fire

Sookie dazzled us with her Eric fantasy (although Lorena ruined it by playing the peeping tom). What’s you’re deepest, darkest fantasy about Eric Northman. Use any and all adjectives and verbs to describe it, and don’t hold back.

You can post your confession below, send it to me on Twitter (@EricsButt), or email me at ericsbutt@gmail.com

The winners will be announced on Saturday night.

Looking forward to hear what you have to say.

Endless Hole of Love

Flavor Flav had ‘Flavor of Love’, Tila Tequila had ‘A Shot of Love‘, so why can’t the butt get a chance?

So I got some inspiration for a new contest (from @TrueBloodChick’s butt contest and @Erics_Stalker’s love confession). So forget the buttmagnets (unless you really want one), cause now you have a shot at love!

Since it’s hard to detach from Master for the obvious reason, I came up with a more creative idea. Every week I will come up with something for you to prove your love to Master and me of course. At the end of each week I’ll select a number of people to move on to the next contest.

Hint: If you really want to move ahead, be creative, funny and as outrageous as you like. Nothing could surprise me

The first challenge will be posted Sunday night at 10 PM CDT/11 PM EDT.

Enjoy

Don’t Worry About Me, I’ll Be Fine (Recap)

(This is a recap of True Blood 208 “Timebomb” from a butt’s POV)

I’ll be the first to say, I loved Eric’s Jim Carrey impersonation! Master has had lots of practice keeping up with his alter ego, Letif and pulling out the Jackie Chan moves.

So let’s dissect this episode, shall we?

Since when do telepaths taste different? Maybe I should sink my cheeks into one and find out what all the buzz is about concerning Barry the Bellboy.  Although I do not care for Bill Compton, I must say I loved the throw down between him and Lorena. She got herself a face full of plasma!

Lafayette has had every job in the book. Now he’s moved on to being Ms. Cleo. *In Ms. Cleo’s voice* Let me tell you dem future Tara Mae! You will eat dem fine stew and get the left hook of Muhammad Ali.

And oh poor Jessica. Didn’t @JessicasCherry teach you anything? Although I do think Hoyt’s getting a hint of swagga. “I don’t know what you heard, but those were screams of pleasure.” (Didn’t seem that way to Jessica, though. Nice moobies by the way) *POPS**REGENERATES**POPS**REGENERATES**POPS**REGENERATES* Doesn’t look like Baby Vamp is getting a break anytime soon. Real bummer. If it weren’t for Hoyt I think Jessica would be on one of her vamp-hormonal rages.

Are you as tired of Eggs and Tara complaining as much as I am? So you can’t remember what happened last night. Joan Rivers can’t remember what her face looks like. Maryann is taking the Gran role to heart! Literally. First she steals the apron, now she’s taking soufflé  to the next level. We’re back into Sookie’s cozy nook that’s inhabited by pot-smoking, heart-eating, bull DEMONS. Tara: Andy’s the only one we know that’s out his mind.” Pot calling the kettle black? I think so. Maryann brings out the baked goods and that’s when things get interesting. Who knew Eggs was a wife beater? I know she’s built like a man, but does that mean you have to hit her like one?

Jason lost his brain cells after having too much of Sarah’s puddin’, but at least he still remembers his honesty! “Came strapped. Honesty.”

So fifty rednecks in their Sunday best S&M outfits walk into a church…. Do I really have to give the punch-line?  And look, they brought toys! How thoughtful. But I don’t think Eric’s into this game. Eric is ready to sacrifice himself and he doesn’t even get a thank you? Cut the vamp some slack!

Poor Samuel Merlotte. Prank phone calls, deer meat in the fridge,  and then he runs out of hefty bags! Silly old dog, when will you ever learn? Luckily, he gets all the spotlight for that special phone call.

Finally, Bill’s made it to the party. He must have heard about the S&M with fifty other men. “If you kill her, everyone here will die.” Such big words coming from such a small man. Eric wasn’t kidding when he said Bill was delusional. And may I just say, the look on Stevie Jr’s face after being shot is priceless. Can I get an amen? And thanks to Sookie for saving my ass.

I don’t know if anyone has noticed the lack of action in this episode, but I sure did. When I saw the previews I wasexpecting a showdown with Stevie Jr. and Stan. But instead we got a little touch here, grab there. The usual foundling. Instead, Godric decided to play god with a face ten times more pasty than Bill’s. Keep the peace seems to be the new way of the modern vamp.

Who’s willing to die for Stevie? NO ONE. They all head back on to Hooters.  Or maybe they headed back to Sarah’s for some heavenly puddin’.

Oh Kenya, Kenya, Kenya. You need to get some more limelight. We need a strong, co-dependent woman around now that Tara’s gone apeshit and Lettie Mae’s making house calls. Don’t you think it’s so cute when Kenya and Bud finish each other’s sentences? Sam has no identity? Then how the hell did he open a bar in westbubblefuck? I know Bon Temps is a little loose on the law, but damn! Poor Andy walks in with his war wound, trying to speak the truth and yet again gets shut down. DENIED. I sense an intervention coming. Maybe Andy will get his limelight on A&E.

Party down at the Bon Temps prison! Mike Spencer managed to sodomize a tree and Jane Bodehouse lost her panties… again.

Hail the conquering hero! Wait, haven’t I heard that line before? Eric to Jason: “Good boy. Now run Along.” Is it me, or does he seem a little too happy about that. It ain’t Pussylover9 but it;s a start.

When did Eric find out Sookie was walking into a trap? Granted he knew Godric was in trouble, but no one saw Hugo being a traitor coming, not even Isabel. Sorry Sook, but you need a new fact-checker. Also, Bill was not kidnapped. More like held against his fangs. Commence shifty stares between the three. Later Eric mentions to Godric about coming for him before, but I never heard him share that with Sookums. Maybe it’s just my lack of vision in these jeans.

Eric: “I do not like being touched.” Bill: “Believe me, I do not like touching you.” Uhm… excuse me? I was half-expecting another one of the great “SUCKEH ISH MINE!” lines. Poorly played Bill.

CAT FIGHT! Meowww. Ron McDonald fucked Lucille Ball’s corpse and shitted out Lorena. I’ve been reading between the lines and I’m pretty sure the place was rigged and a sex tape will be viral soon. Sookie and Lorena should learn how to play nice and share their toys. Godric’s been around the playground a couple of times, and lays down the law. And to all of those who called Godric a pussy, how do ya like him now?

Photo’s courtesy of True-Blood.net

TimeBomb

“Timebomb” Season 2 Episode 8 – Sookieʼs captivity takes an unexpected turn when Eric (Alexander Skarsgard) arrives to do his masterʼs bidding on the eve of the Fellowshipʼs lockdown. In Bon Temps, Sam finds himself in hot water after making a gruesome discovery at Merlotteʼs, and Andy (Chris Bauer) proves no help in coming to his defense. Sent home by Bill, Jessica (Deborah Ann Woll) and Hoyt (Jim Parrack) learn that when it comes to sex, every time is the first time. Tara (Rutina Wesley) and Eggs (Mehcad Brooks) devour a mysterious meal prepared by Maryann, with unexpected results. After Jason pays off his debt to the vampires, Godric (Allan Hyde) looks to enlighten his more single-minded followers. Written by Alexander Woo; directed by John Dahl.

Time to save the day!

About the Butt

smokin churxhXD: Good Evening All, I’d like to introduce myself.

smokin churxhXD: I am Eric Northman also known as Eric The Northman’s Anus.

Good Evening All, I’d like to introduce myself. In a nutshell, I am Eric Northman’s backside. When Master was a teenager in Scandinavia, we joined up with a rogue band of warriors who refused to swear allegiance to any kingdom. To me, we were known as the Booty Bandits. In 1077, the dashing Godric saved Master after a rough battle. Currently I help Master when he struts his stuff in bar Fangtasia. We must keep up appearances for the fangbangers of course.

My current adventures include getting swiped by @EricsBlackAmex, occasional cheap feels from the admirers, and winning the heart of the sweet @Erics_Stalker.

If you would like to view my Master (and see a sheet covering all the good parts) go and pre-order yourself a Fangtasia Calendar.

Contest of The Fittest

While having a conversation with a fellow Twitterer and adoring fan, I realized we are in crisis! Butts all over the world are being malnourished! I say we stop this epidemic now! And what better why to do it than by having a contest?

Usually causes are sponsored with ribbons. I say PSHH! How about a nice butt magnet?

Send in your photos of you doing your best buttrobics and how buttrobics has improved your life to ericsbutt@gmail.com and the top ten people who impress me shall receive a personalized butt magnet!

No Butts About These Ladies

While having a conversation with a fellow Twitterer and adoring fan (@MELTDOWNxx, she’s the best btw) , I realized we are in crisis! Butts all over the world are being malnourished! I say we stop this epidemic now! And what better why to do it than by having a contest?

Usually causes are sponsored with ribbons. I say PSHH! How about a nice butt magnet?

Send in your photos of you doing your best buttrobics and how buttrobics has improved your life to ericsbutt@gmail.com and the top ten people who impress me shall receive a personalized butt magnet!

Good Luck

-The Butt